Cricket News

‘Now that’s gangsta…’

And Laker turns a corner…

He may have been one of Beefy’s best mates, but Viv Richards loved nothing more than smashing an English bowling attack. By the time he retired in 1993, ‘The Master Blaster’ had a test average of 62.36 and an ODI average of 57.82 against England. And at Old Trafford, on this day in 1984, he lashed a new ODI record of 189 off 170 balls, with Derek Pringle and Botham receiving an absolute shellacking.

We’ve had cause to mention Jim Laker recently, but on this day in 1950 the off-spinner had to bowl in a trial match in front of the England selectors. He took 8-2-12-14. Yes, that’s correct, 8 wickets for 2 runs, with 12 maidens, off 14 overs. Never one to be cowed by authority, he slated the powers that be in his autobiography, Over to Me, to such an extent that they took away his MCC membership in 1960. Unbelievably, Ashley Giles never had to bowl in a trial match. It showed.

C.L.R James, doyen of cricket writers and author of Beyond a Boundary, widely regarded as one of the finest sports books in history, passed away today in 1989, aged 88. Mixing social commentary with a marvelous appreciation of the game, the book is famous for the phrase “what do they know of cricket who only cricket know.” We didn’t realise that he’d met Mark Nicholas.

Back at the dawn of time, on this day in 1279 BC, Rameses ll became pharaoh of Egypt. A keen military strategist, he won vital wars against long-term enemies and fathered 110 children in his 70-year rule. In 1974, Egyptologists visiting his tomb noticed that the Mummy’s condition was deteriorating, and shipped him to France for further examination. Bizarrely, he had to get a passport, which stated he was, in case there was any doubt, a dead King.

And it’s Tsenund shnorhavor! As they say in Armenia to laconic Umpire Steve Bucknor (62), rapper Darren ‘DMC’ McWilliams (44), average model / terrible actress Brooke Shields (43), and annoying James Dean wannabe Colin Farrel (32). Had Led Zeppelin drummer John ‘Bonzo’ Bonham not drank enough vodka to stop the Red Army, he’d have celebrated his 60th today. And on this day in 1996, LSD guru Dr Timothy Leary turned off, tuned out and, er, dropped for the last time, aged 76.

‘Who you calling Goose..?’

And the ‘black Bradman’ is born…

While Sunderland may not be known for producing rangy fast bowlers with an eye for the exceptional, it was there that Robert George Dylan Willis was born on this day in 1949. Though his reputation as one of our finest post-war bowlers was enshrined during ‘Botham’s Ashes’  of 1981, the grit that got him there is often overlooked. After operations on both knees in 1975, he rarely bowled without pain, yet managed, through immense willpower, to prolong his career by another nine years to finish with 325 English wickets at an average of 25.20.

And if Sunderland is hardly a cricketing hotbed, then what about Panama? Born in Colon, the second-city, on this day in 1909, George Headley went onto score 2,190 runs, including ten centuries, at an average of 60.83 in his 22 tests for the West Indies. A delightful back-foot player, Sir Len Hutton, after watching Headley become the first player to score centuries in each innings of a Lord’s test in 1939, said that he had, ‘never seen anyone play the ball as late.’ And it’s further testament to his ability that many of his admirers called Bradman ‘the white Headley.’ His Grandson Dean went onto represent England, but nobody called him anything. Apart from Dean.

Out in the real world on this day in 1989, student protestors unveiled a 33-foot high Goddess of Democracy statue in Tiananmen Square, China, as a totem pole of hope in the midst of the wider demonstrations about the Government. Within four days, Army tanks rolled in and ‘cleared’ the area. Chinese officials released an official casualty count of 241, yet the real tally was said to be closer to 800. One of the most visible human rights atrocities of the television age, the white-shirted lone protestor who stood in front of an encroaching tank was named as one of the 100 most influential people of the 20th Century by Time Magazine.

And it’s La Multi Ani! as they say in Romania to former ICC President Malcolm Gray (68), ridiculously-named rapper Cee-Lo (38), and professional gurners Leigh ‘Bo Selecta’ Francis (35), and Harry ‘give it up pal’ Enfield (47). While on a musical front, reformed falsetto (and lead singer of The Charlatans) Tim Burgess (41), and the drummer who made The Clash tick, Nicky ‘Topper’ Headon, (53) both celebrate another year on the wagon.

‘Look Beefy, leave it, Chris Read has long gone…’

And England win on countback…

A swashbuckling 136 from Graham Gooch was not enough to save England on this day in 1989 as Rodney Marsh scored an unbeaten 111 in the third and final ODI at Lords to level the series at 1-1. With ODI rules seeming to change while matches are still being played these days, it’s worth noting that England won the tied series on amount of wickets lost. Which is a technical way of telling Duckworth and Lewis to jog on. Inevitably, England surrendered The Ashes 4 – 0, with a gum-chewing all-rounder called Steve Waugh coming to the fore.

At New Road today in 1988, on a pitch that had seen heavier rolling than Snoop Dogg’s tour bus, Graeme Hick became only second man since the Second World War to score 1000 runs before the end of May. Needing 153 in the final match of the month, he larruped 172 for Worcestershire against the touring West Indians.

On the high seas on this day in 1914, the Norwegian ship Sorstad crashed into the Empress of Ireland ocean liner in a channel off Pointe-au-Père, Quebec, claiming the lives of 1,012 passengers and crew. The total included the entire Canadian Salvation Army, who had been traveling to a charity concert. While 29,029 feet up in the clouds, in 1953, Edmund Hilary and Tenzing Norgay become the first men to reach the summit of Mount Everest after eight unsuccessful British missions.  And in 1973, Tom Bradley was elected as the first black mayor of Los Angeles.

And it’s Lihkos Riegadanbeaivvis! as they say in Lapland to ex-Pakistan opener Talat Ali (58), occasional centerfold and professional brother-baiter LaToya Jackson (52), good coach, bad manager Brian Kidd (59), Warren Beatty’s missus Annette Bening (50), and rent-a-quote Oasis honcho Noel Gallagher (41). Also, had he managed to hang on for another five years, Bob Hope would have celebrated his 105th birthday.

And Bradman is at it again…

Sir Jack Hobbs, legendary opening bat and one of Wisden’s five cricketers of the century, scored his 197th and final first-class ton on this day in 1934 aged 51 years and 163 days. Coming in a benefit match for ex England glove-man George Duckworth at Old Trafford, it bought the curtains down on a glorious career that saw him amass 61,760 first class runs at an average of 50.70, and 5,410 test runs at 56.94.

 

At roughly the same time, 195.5 miles down the road at Lords, fellow Knight Don Bradman battered the Middlesex bowling attack en route to a rapid 160 - containing 27 fours and a single six - in a mere 124 minutes. Typically, he went on to score 758 at an average of 94.75 in the ensuing five-test series, thus guaranteeing his 574th inclusion on EatCricket in two months.

 

War! What is it good for? Well, absolutely nothing, apart from for the purpose of this blog. In 1588 the Spanish Armada set sail from Lisbon to overthrow Queen Elizabeth and convert England to Catholicism, only to be repelled by a man called Francis who played bowls. 1905 saw the end of the Russo-Japanese war as the Imperial Japanese Navy destroyed the Russian Baltic Fleet, proving that they don’t name wars like they used to. And, in 1982, British troops in The Falklands defeated the Argentines at the Battle of Goose Green.

 

And it’s Isten eltessen! as they bellow in Hungary to former West Indian wicketkeeper Jeff Dujon (52), annoying pop-pixie Kylie Minogue (40), hirsute Chelsea fan David Baddiel (44) and failed Democratic candidate Rudy Giuliani (64). It was also the day that Eric Morecambe, beloved English comedian, died in 1984, aged 58.

Day-Lewis made all the extras feel uncomfortable...

But they still win. Obviously...

England might have just completed one of their highest ever run chases to win the Test match against New Zealand, but back in 1878 Australia and the MCC were taking part in a very different game altogether. Despite being bowled out for just 31, the MCC side managed to restrict the Aussies to a similarly shambolic 41. Only to follow that up with 19 all out in their second innings, leaving the Aussies needing just 12 for victory, which they did it nine wickets to spare. Imagine paying to see that one? That must have barely lasted a session.

Elsewhere in cricket today, in 1938 Don Bradman scored 145 not out for Australia against Hampshire, in doing so scoring his 1000th run of the English season, the earliest ever to do so.

Elsewhere today, Laszlo Biro patented the ballpoint pen in 1943. Apparently, the journalist discovered that ink used in newspapers dried quickly, so he tried using it in a fountain pen. Then he adapted the tip, and hey presto, the biro (pronounced “bee-row” apparently) was born.

San Francisco had a new bridge today in 1937, when the 4,200ft Golden Gate Bridge was opened, after four and a half years in the making. And in 1829, the first ever Oxford and Cambridge boat race took place on the River Thames in London, when Oxford won easily in 14 minutes.

And we say Kaushal Lokuarachchi! as they say in Sri Lanka to prolific Aussie batsman Michael Hussey (33), Sri Lanka’s Mahela Jayawardene (31), OutKast’s André 3000 (33), little-known TV chef Jamie Oliver (33), troubled Paul Gascoigne (41) and surprise surprise it’s Cilla Black (65).

 

And a future England captain is born...

 

Early records today in 1868 as Edward Tylecote became the first man to score over 400 runs in an innings, during a school match at Clifton College. Edward’s full name was Edward Ferdinando Sutton Tylecote, and he played first class cricket for Oxford University and Kent. It’s a good job he was handy at cricket, as with a name like that he’d never hear the end of it.

 

Also today in 1976, future One Day captain Paul Collingwood was born in the North East village of Shotley Bridge. And in 1996, England’s Graham Thorpe took his only two international wickets, during a One Day International against India at Old Trafford.

 

And in Italy today in 1981, something we can only dream of in this country, the Prime Minister, Arnaldo Forlani, and his entire cabinet resigned following a scandal involving secret membership of a Masonic lodge. But more bizarre goings on this time in this country today in 1969, as Beatle John Lennon demonstrated to the world that his wife had finally sent him barmy as he joined Yoko Ono in a public bed protest for world peace. It basically involved them staying in bed for a week in a Montreal hotel. Genius.

 

In 1805, Napoleon was crowned King of Italy in Milan Catherdral, while only seven years earlier Income Tax was introduced into Britain for the first time. The government would take 10% on all incomes over £200 a year. The robbing…

 

And we say Umar Gull! as they say in Pakistan to New Zealand batsman Glenn Turner (61), Italy’s leading man Luca Toni (31), screaming ginge Patsy Palmer (36), South African athlete Zola Budd (42), Uber-cool rocker Lenny Kravitz (44), and not-so-cool politician Michael Portillo (55).

 

SECOND TEST, Old Trafford, Day Four:
England 202 & 98-1 v New Zealand 381 & 114

 

Blimey it's all going off isn't it?

It certainly is. England started at 76/1 this morning, knowing that a good solid day with the bat will see them win the Test match.

What do they need?

284. Which is a figure that both looks daunting and reachable at the same time.

Hmm. I suppose. What are the chances?

Slim. Despite having only lost Cook to Vettori so far, it's worth having another look at New Zealand's second innings to see what might be ahead for England.

Well?

Well they were dismissed for only 114, with no one getting above 30. And crucially, it was Monty Panesar who did the damage, taking career-best figures of 6-37.

Nice one Monty. So what you're saying is, there's a lot of turn in the pitch?

Precisely. And New Zealand have a left-arm spinner of their own who is quite handy.

Daniel Vettori.

You're good.

Thanks.

And baring in mind he's already got a five for in this match, and the first wicket of the second innings, New Zealand have to look like favourites at the minute.

Don't be so pessimistic, England's top six will come good finally, you just watch.

Fingers crossed. But if they do, and knock off the total before close today, do you know what that means?

No?

That we'll have got our pre-match prediction right, that England would win with a day to spare.

Blimey. That is pretty shocking. We can't be having that. Come on Daniel...

 

 

And Australian Aboriginal side tours England...

 

Today in 1868 saw the beginning of the Australian Aboriginal tour of England, which began with a match against Surrey Gentlemen. And to think they call teams ‘Lightening’ and ‘Dynamo’ these days. Also today, Allan Border was scoring a fourth successive first class century for Essex, this time the victims of his awesome batting display was Derbyshire.

 

Elsewhere in this wonderful world, navigator Captain James Cook was exploring it today in 1768, as he set off on his voyage to explore the Antipodes. Well before that, England’s monarchy made a comeback Madonna would be proud of when the Lord Protector Richard Cromwell, that’s Oliver’s young’un, resigned from his position in 1659, giving the monarchy their chance to get back in, as Charles II was installed as King.

 

No such talk in the Republic of France though in 1958, as war hero General Charles de Gaulle became the French Prime Minister, while apartheid-ridden South Africa were allowed to re-join the British Commonwealth in 1994, after an absence of 33 years.

 

And we say Graeme Smith! as they say in South Africa to former Zimbabwe all rounder Peter Rawson (51), former England off-spinner Robert Croft (38), rugby’s forgotten man Jonny “he’s no Cipriani” Wilkinson (29), American actress Anne Heche (39), Mike “shwing!” Myers (45) and Paul “what’s he doing with his hair?” Weller (50).

 

An Aussie spanking an English side? No way...

 

Today in 1930, the great Donald Bradman was doing what he did best, scoring a hell of a lot of runs. He hit 252 not out for Australia in just 290 minutes against Surrey in Oz’s tour of England before the Ashes. And a bit more recently, in 1998, Mal Loye scored 322 not out in Northants’ whopping total of 712 against a hapless Glamorgan.

 

And in the non-cricketing world today, it’s a historic day for communication, as Samuel Morse transmitted the world’s first telegraph message to someone 40 miles away in 1844. Though quite why he couldn’t use a pigeon like the rest of us is beyond us. And in 1809, Dartmoor Prison is opened to house French POWs, though as of 1850 it became a prison for convicts. But it’s not just prisons opening today, but bridges, first Wesminster Bridge in London in 1862, and then the famous Brooklyn Bridge in New York in 1883. And in 1895, Queen Victoria handed out the first stage knighthood, to Henry Irving. Now they give them away in Christmas crackers…

 

And we say Shane Warne! as we hope they won’t be saying in Australia next year to oddly-named ‘soccer’ star DaMarcus Beasley (26), poor man’s Will Ferrel John C. Reilly (43), and patient Englishwoman Kristin Scott Thomas (48)

 

SECOND TEST, Old Trafford, Day Two
England v New Zealand 322-6

 

What time do you call this?

Sorry, people to see, things to do.

You fell asleep didn't you?

Yes.

Honestly...well let's catch up then.

OK. New Zealand won the toss yesterday and decided to bat.

How'd they get on?

Well they finished the day on 202/4, with Ross Taylor the pick of the batsmen, with 67 not out.

Who took England's wickets? Let me guess, Sidearse?

Ryan got a couple, while Anderson and Monty got one each.

Nice one, anything else to report?

Well it was a quiet return to the office for Darrell Hair, while New Zealand batsman daniel Flynn was forced to retire hurt after being on the wrong end of a James Anderson bouncer.

Sounds nasty...

It was. Though his tooth flying out in the slo-mo replay looked cool.

Nice. So how have they got on this morning?

Taylor's reached his century, but new Zealand lost two inexplicable wickets, two run outs in one over...

Eh? How did that come about?

First, as Oram ran through for a single, Alistair Cook picked up at point and got a direct hit.

And then?

Well only a few minutes later, Vettori is run out by, cough, Panesar, who throws to Ambrose who whips off the bails. Vettori seemed well home, a good yard inside his crease, but replays show his bat wasn't grounded and off he trots.

Hilarious! And now?

Taylor's still in there with 115 not out, supported by a comfortable-looking Kyle Mills on 46.

Back to bed now is it?

Maybe...

New Zealand win some One Day trophy...

In 2003, New Zealand won only their second ever One Day International tournament title, by beating Pakistan and Sri Lanka in the Bank Alfalah Cup, hosted in Sri Lanka. Thirty-seven years earlier, Graeme Ashley Hick was born in Salisbury, Zimbabwe. He would go on to play in 65 Tests for England, scoring over 3,000 runs. But it would be at first class level for Worcestershire where he would really make his mark, having scored over 40,000 runs, with a top score of 405 not out.

Today is a day for gruesome executions it would seem, as way back in 1430, Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundian troops and handed over to the English, where she would be tried for heresy and then executed by being burned at the stake. Sixty-eight years later, extremist Italian politician Girolamo Savonarola was hanged and burnt at the stake, just to make sure. Today is also the day that King Henry VIII’s marriage to Anne Boleyn was declared legal. And we all know what happened to her.

And then in 1934, bank robbers Bonnie and Clyde were caught by police and killed as they traveled in Louisiana. But it’s not all about death and destruction as today in 1966, the Beatles released Paperback Writer, which would go on to take number one spot in Britain, the US, Germany, Australia, New Zealand and Norway. And there’s no death involved in the Beatles is there?

So we say Jacob Oram! as they say in New Zealand to Kent bowler Martin Saggers (36), Leicester’s Darren Maddy (34), Gloucestershire’s Mark Alleyne (40), ancient actress Joan Collins (75), Heidi from the Sugababes (25) and Formula One veteren Rubens Barrichello (36).

England v New Zealand, Old Trafford
Friday 23rd May, 11.00am

So after a disappointing first Test that wasn’t so much affected by the weather as by England’s sheer negativity with the bat, Michael Vaughan and company have the chance to make up for it all at Old Trafford on Friday.

Despite recent underwhelming displays, in particular in England’s top order, they’ve decided to stick with the same side. Despite coming into contention after replacing the injured Hoggy, lanky seamer Chris Tremlett, officially 8ft 7in, has not made the final eleven.

New Zealand’s only worry is Tim Southee, the teenage pace bowler who may cause England’s wobbly top order problems with the Old Trafford pitch expected to provide plenty pace and bounce. However he’s struggling with a dicky stomach, so Iain O’Brien is on standby.

England have a decent record at Old Trafford, having lost only once there in the last ten years, while New Zealand haven’t won there in six attempts. Still, there’s always time for a first isn’t there?

As for the weather, well it’s Manchester so it’s unlikely that we’ll not be short of any rain. Apparently Friday is due for some showers, Saturday and Sunday cloudy, and Monday and Tuesday sunny. But what do those weather forecasters know eh?

One’s to watch

England’s top six: That’s Strauss, Cook, Pietersen, Bell, Collingwood and to a lesser extent Vaughan, given his recent century. While the talent of each individual is not in question, as a collective unit they haven’t played convincingly for a long time. And with the likes of Owais Shah and Luke Wright waiting in the wings, it could be their final chance.

Darrell Hair: The controversial Aussie umpire is back in Test cricket following his time out, and for once in cricket attention may be on an umpire for reasons other than it being a silly fat man dancing or a silly skinny man with a crooked finger.

Monty Panesar: The king of over-the-top-celebrating may be getting plenty of practice to go even further overboard this Test, given his previous record in Manchester. The lively spinner has taken 18 wickets in two Tests here for England, and with some turn expected later in the game, he could be pushing Vettori in the battle of the left-armers.

Prediction: England to win it with a day to spare. We’ve got no reason to be so confident, it just can’t really get worse than the first Test. Can it?

Teams:

England: Andrew Strauss, Alastair Cook, Michael Vaughan (cap), Kevin Pietersen, Ian Bell, Paul Collingwood, Tim Ambrose (wk), Stuart Broad, Ryan Sidebottom, Monty Panesar, James Anderson.

New Zealand: Jamie How, Aaron Redmond, James Marshall, Ross Taylor, Brendon McCullum (wk), Daniel Flynn, Jacob Oram, Daniel Vettori (cap), Kyle Mills, Chris Martin, Tim Southee or Iain O'Brien

England name unchanged side for 2nd NZ Test...

Erm, there's not much more to say about it really, is there?

And Trott claims two hat-tricks...

Today in 1970 South Africa’s tour of England was called off after the Cricket Council reversed it’s decision on allowing their Test side to play in the country, following a formal request from the government. Anti-apartheid activist Peter Hain had threatended to disrupt any matches that took place. England played five match against a Rest of the World team instead. Elsewhere in cricket today Albert Trott took two hat-tricks in one innings for Middlesex against Somerset in 1907, while the first ICC Trophy was played today in 1979.

Elsewhere today, Best’s native Northern Ireland voted yes to a new peace deal in 1998, ending 30 years of scrapping between Protestants and Catholics. In 1981, the Yorkshire Ripper Peter Sutcliffe was found guilty of killing 13 women and sentenced to 30 years in prison.

In 1977 the Orient Express made it’s last journey from Paris to Istanbul, while in 1915 Britain’s worst train disaster occurred in Gretna Green in Scotland when 227 people were killed when a passenger train hit an army train. And in 1840, Britain ended the practice of sending convicts to Australia, not that the snide jibes ever ceased.

And we say Marcus Trescothick! as they only say in Somerset these days to former miserable ex-football manager Howard Kendall (62), miserable model Naomi Campbell (38), not-so-miserable-but-we-wish-he-was Dale Winton (53) and Mr Miserable, Morrissey (49).

Like a bolt from the blue or from somewhere else, Sri Lanka's little big man Sanath Jayasuriya will now be unavailable for Warwickshire's Twenty20 Cup campaign after being named in Sri Lanka's squad for the Asia Cup in Pakistan. "The news comes out of the blue," says Warwickshire's Director of Cricket Ashley Giles. "It's disappointing especially given his recent form in the IPL." Lest we forget, Jayasuriya is the only player to score more than 12,000 runs and take more than 300 wickets in the 50-over game. In short, it's a big loss to the Bears. 

The sepia effect on WG's digicam was top notch...

It's Grace, Grace and Grace...

Today in 1866 saw George Fred Grace, brother of one William Gilbert Grace, make his first-class debut at the age of just 15 years and 159 days. Like his two brothers (the other being Edward Mills Grace), he made a duck on his debut, and again like his siblings, he would go on to play Test cricket for England, in turn becoming the first three brothers to play for England in the same side in 1880. Not that it went well for George, he got a pair and died of pneumonia two weeks later. And to think Vaughany thought he was having a bad spell…

Elsewhere in history on this day, Indian Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi was assassinated in 1991 when a bomb exploded during his election campaign. The bomb had been hidden in a bouquet of flowers. While in 1969, Sirhan Sirhan was sentenced to death for the murder of Senator Robert Kennedy the previous year, though the sentence was reduced to life imprisonment.

And on a theme of trans-Atlantic air travel, it was a big day for American pilot Charles Lindbergh in 1927, as he successfully completed the first non-stop flight from New York to Paris. In doing so he won a competition prize of £25k. Continuing on with the theme, just five years later, Amelia Earhart became the first woman to make a solo air crossing of the Atlantic, flying from Newfoundland to Ireland. Five years later she would go missing on another flight and never be seen again.

And we say Ashley Allan Noffke! as they say in Australia to former Pakistan pace bowler Liaqat Ali (53), Leeds United’s play-off semi-final hero Jonathan Howson (20), The Mighty Boosh’s Noel Fielding (35) and frizzy-haired loon Leo Sayer (60).

 

No.4 CARROT CAKE

 

Carrot. Cake. Two words that should never feature in the same sentence, yet alone be thrown together and then served up as a dessert. Whoever decided that vegetables should somehow be accommodated into the world of cakes was several scoops short of a cornet. I mean, carrots? WTF? Rabbits eat carrots. I eat rabbits. And then I eat cake. When I’ve had my dinner and Mrs Gatting wheels the sweet trolley in, I don’t want to see more vegetables, even if they are smothered in double cream. I want a proper cake and you ain’t gonna get that with carrots, OK?

Here, for no real reason, are just some of the top-notch Eat Cricket features coming your way soon...

HANKY PANKI WITH VIKRAM SOLANKI - It's a Lovers Guide for the new century from the Worcestershire willow wielder...

MATT PRIOR COMPULSIVE LIAR - He just can't help himself...

RYAN's SIDEBOTTOM - Or the real reason why the Nottingham paceman won’t get changed in front of his team-mates.

VAUGHAN TO BE MILD - e.g. Youth: “Hey Michael! We’re gonna get some ketamine. You in? Vaughan: “Nah, I don’t think so.”

DICKIE’S BIRD - Meet the retired umpire's wife...

SPOTS, RASHES AND PIMPLES with JAMIE DALRYMPLE - Grooming guide for pubescent cricketers

JON LEWIS - Never knowingly underbowled

LOYE STORY (and LOYE STORY 2)

JEREMY SNAPE, GENTLEMAN THIEF

And if that doesn't float your boat then maybe this will - MAKE ME LAUGH LIKE A DRAIN RIGHT NOW PLEASE!

So Charlie Shreck signs a new two-year deal with Nottinghamshire and he seriously doesn't expect to use this picture...

Hampshire seamer gets the nod...

Chris Tremlett has been added to the England squad as a replacement for Matthew Hoggard ahead of this Friday's second Test against the Kiwis. Poor Hoggy is nursing a broken thumb and will miss the remainder of the series, meaning Tremlet has pipped Steve Harmison to the post for a recall. Hoggard is out of the three-match series with a broken thumb, so Tremlett joins the team which drew at Lord's. "Chris is a player whose form we have been closely monitoring for some time," says national selector Geoff Miller. "I am sure that he will be keen to stake his claim for a regular place. Let's see how he handles taking those drinks, on first though, eh?' *

* OK, we made the last bit up.

Veteran wristie contemplates comeback...

Just when you thought that England would no longer be tormented by Shane Warne, along comes the retired leg spinner and throws his cork hat in the ring for next year's Ashes Tour. Well, kind of. Yes, the 38-year-old has said he's be ready to come out of retirement to help the Aussies if they really needed him. Great. "If Stuart MacGill fell over and broke his leg, and there were no other spinners around, and Ricky [Ponting] came out and said, 'Mate, can you please help us out for this one-off tour? We need you,' that is something I would weigh up."

After dodging bullets for several years, Miller found the odd fast ball a doddle...

Miller and Alletson score record knocks...

We referred to the first 1945 Victory Test yesterday, well today World War II pilot Keith Miller scored the first century, scoring 105 against England at Lord’s. Thirty-three years beforehand Ted Alletson scored 189 in just 90 minutes for Notts against Sussex. The knock was made all the more remarkable by the fact that when he came out to bat at number nine, the score was 258/8, with his batting partner soon out leaving them 260/9. The tenth wicket stand of 152 saved the match for Notts.

Records of a different type in 1965 however at Middlesbrough as Yorkshire were bowled out for an hilariously low 23 by Hampshire.

Elsewhere on this day, in 2000 Tony Blair and his wonderful wife Cherie announced the birth of their fourth child, named Leo. Which, admittedly, is a pretty cool name for a Prime Minister’s son.

In 1991 the USSR passed a new law that allowed Soviet citizens the right to leave the country of their own free will, exactly two years after Chinese authorities imposed martial law in the capital when millions of people protested on the streets. And in 1944 Adolf Hitler survived an assassination attempt when a bomb exploded during a staff meeting at his headquarters in Berlin. All involved were executed.

And we say Hamilton Masakadza! as they say in Zimbabwe to former England batsman Keith Fletcher (64), ex-Oz opening batsman Andrew Hilditch (52), hip-swaying Cameroonian footballer Roger Milla (56), US rapper Busta Rhymes (36) and TV journo Louis Theroux (38).

Jacob watched as he dispatched any remaining level of interest in the Test...

Oram frustrates England…

FIRST TEST, Lord's – Close on Day Five

New Zealand 277 & 269-6 v England 319. Match drawn

Tell me England managed to pull off the unexpected and skittled the Kiwis out for under 150 before knocking off the winning total with at least eight wickets to spare?

Sorry pal.

Bah.

Well maybe you should read the headline next time.

Fair point. Was there any point were a result looked likely?

Sort of. When Redmond was caught by Strauss in first slip from Anderson, and then Sidebottom had Marshall trapped lbw to reduce the tourists to 52/2, England had got off to the perfect start.

But?

Well Monty got in on the act, trapping Taylor to leave New Zealand 99/3. And then Stuart Broad got his first wicket of the day, when Cook did well to hold on to How's edge to third slip, leaving New Zealand only 73 ahead and four wickets down.

Sounds good so far...

It got better. Though not for Brendon McCullum, who looked like the man to save the day for the Kiwis, until he misjudged a delivery from Broad and was forced to retire hurt when it struck his left forearm, where a swine of a bruise formed instantly...

Nasty. But I fail to see where this is going wrong for England just yet...

Well coincidently it was the man who came on for McCullum that ended up being the hero.

Jacob Oram?

So you did read the headline. Yes it was his 120-ball 101 that ensured that the match would end in a draw, as New Zealand finished the day on 269/6, with Sidebottom claiming Oram's wicket, and McCullum's return ended when he was caught behind from Anderson.

If only there was an extra day...

Yeah. Or if only Strauss and Cook hadn't accepted the decision to come off for light on the second day, this Test might have progressed into the realms of interesting...

You sound a bit sore about that...

Well if they don't feel they can go out and attack against a Test side ranked seventh out of nine you've got to despair don't you...

Sadly for once, we agree...

England take on amateur Aussies, and still fail to win...

Today in 1945 saw the start of the first ever Victory Test between England and a team of Australian servicemen. Coming only two weeks after the end of World War II, the games were seen as a way to get back to normal way of life, and a combined total of 367,000 people watched the five three-day matches at Lords, Old Trafford and Bramall Lane. The final game at Lords attracted a whopping 93,000 spectators. And they thought the 2005 Ashes were popular. Despite it's popularity, the games were only awarded first class status, predominantly because the Australian Cricket Board were worried that their side would not be good enough to compete with England's Test side. Sure enough they needn't have worried, as the series ended in a draw, with each side claiming two victories and one finishing a draw.

 

Elsewhere in the world on this day history, in 1935 T. E Lawrence, aka Lawrence of Arabia, died after crashing his beloved motorcycle. The man who led Arab forces against the Turks was world famous for his work during World War I, and would later have a David Lean epic film retelling his story. Also today, in 1997 the British government announced that all sports sponsorship by tobacco companies would be banned. That's all except Forumla One motor racing however, which was given a temporary exemption. The fact that Bernie Ecclestone had donated £1m, to the Labour Party only a few months before came as pure coincidence of course.

 

In 1993, all 132 passengers and crew on board a Boeing 727 that crashed in Colombia were killed, while in 1992, two doctors who performed the autopsy on assassinated US Prtesident John F Kennedy confirmed that he had infact been killed by two bullets, one fired from above and the other from behind, which only served to fuel the conspiracy theories surroudning his death. BUt there was little confusiuon as to the cause of death of one Anne Boleyn, today in 1536, as the second wife of King Henry VIII was beheaded for being an adultress. Even though in turth, she probably just forgot to do the dishes one night.

 

And we say Chris Martin! as they say in New Zealand to Kenya's leading pace bowler at the 1996 World Cup, yep you've guessed it, it's Edward Odumbe (43), Arsenal's number one flapper Manuel Almunia (31), former floppy haired Manchester United flop Diego Forlan (29), The Who guitarist Pete Townshend (63), former daytime TV berk Robert Kilroy-Silk (66) and British 'comic' Victoria Wood (55).

FIRST TEST, Lord's - Day Four
New Zealand 277 & 40-0 v England 319

 

Seems like we've finally seen some action?

We have indeed, after a couple of days of frustration down to the good old English weather, this Test match is finally up and running.

Hmm. But there's only one day left isn't there?

Yes.

So we're still not likely to see a result?

Well, no.

Right.

Should I carry on?

I suppose.

Well, despite you trying to put a downer on it, there was some positive news from today's play.

Did England make a whopping great total?

Well no, they were all out for 319, only 42 runs ahead. Despite a promising opening stand of 121 from Strauss and Cook, Pietersen, Bell, Collingwood and Ambrose all failed to notch
any score of note.

Right, so where's the good news?

Well Cap'n Vaughny looked back to his good old patient best with an important knock of 106.

Well played skip. Who did the damage for New Zealand?

Clearly it was a day for leading by example of the Black Caps' skipper Daniel Vettori got 5-69, at one point on a hat trick as he claimed the successive wickets of Tim Ambrose and Paul Collingwood.

Nifty. For a bloke who looks like he's the type of guy to spend a lot of time in a library he doesn't half bowl well.

Indeed. I reckon he's a Steinbeck fan. Bet he's read Grapes of Wrath at least three times.

Good shout. So did England have a bowl?

Yep. They had the last hiour to try and make some inroads, but the touriasts saw the day out to finish on 40 without loss at the close.

That makes England two runs ahead still?

Good maths. But with just a day left, England will need early wickets and ten of them to force a result tomorrow.

That'll be a draw then.

Might as well start a new book instead. How about Of Mice and Men?

Daniel loves it.

Thought so.

England bowler Maurice Tates dies today in 1956...

A few cricketing events to report about on this day in history. Way back in 1935 Somerset’s Harold Gimblett scored a handy 123 in just 80 minutes. All the better given that it was Gimblett’s debut. And in 1955 the West Indies went from a precarious 187/6 to a dominant 494/6 against Australia, thanks to the exploits of Atkinson and Depeiaza. While the man who played 39 Tests for England, taking 155 wickets, Maurice Tate, died today in 1956.

Elsewhere today in 1998 burglar Peter Scott was jailed for three years when he was caught plotting to sell a stolen Picasso painting for around £750k. Worth an effort for that price. And in 1991, chemist Helen Sharman became the first Briton in space at the age of 27, thirty years after the first London stage production of The Sound of Music. The hills were well and truly alive.

And in 1974, India joined the list of atomic big dogs, when they successfully exploded its first nuclear weapon similar to the one the US dropped on Hiroshima during World War Two.

And we say Andrew Strauss! as they say in England to former England man Graham Dilley (49), Carl Tuckett (38) the former West Indian pace bowler, Yank goalie Brad Friedel (37), angry Scotsman John Higgins (33) and French tennis ledge Yannick Noah (48).

WG was an odd choice for the face of Gillette...

One-hundred hundreds for the beardy great...

Today in 1895, some hairy fella named W.G Grace made his 100th century in cricket. As Somerset's Sammy Woods sent over a slow full toss, Gloucestershire's Grace dispatched it to the boundary to complete the feat. He would go on to make a further 26 career centuries. On the same day 101 years later, Aftab Habib and James Whitaker made 320 in a fifth wicket partnership for Leicester against Worcestershire.

Elsewhere on this day, barmy Norwegian adventurer Thor Heyerdahl built a papyrus boat and set sail across the Atlantic in it today in 1969. He did it because he wanted to prove his theory that the ancient Egyptians were the first to sail to America. We’ll hedge our bets that those oh-so-clever Egyptians didn’t have CD’s though, mainly because we’ve seen that they were first created in 1978 by Philips, soon prompting the end of the cassette and, sadly, the mix tape.

And returning to a theme of voyage, in 1861 Thomas Cook arranged the first foreign package trip, when a group of Londoners went on a six day visit to Paris. It’s unknown whether his next clients were a bunch of teenagers heading to Faliraki.

Finally we say Lee McCulloch! as they say in Scotland to future England football star Leon Osman (27), not-as-fat-as-he-used-to-be goalie Paddy Kenny (30), Irish warbler Enya (47), younger and prettier version Andrea Corr (34) and French NBA giant Tony Parker. That’s the swine who’s nobbing Eva Longoria.

First Test, Lord's (day two, close) New Zealand 277 v England 68-0

 

So what’s the story of the second day?
Well, stubborn resistance and bad light really.

 

Go on…
Thanks to Daniel Vettori (48) and Jacob Oram (28) the Kiwis managed to push their total on to 277 which was pretty good given the conditions and the start they had.

 

The conditions?
There was bad light all day. In fact, the players were on and off like a new bride’s undergarments. It was darker than a Tim Burton film. It was as dark as...

 

OK, I get the picture…
A dark picture?

 

Shut it. So who finished the Kiwis off then?
None other than the greatest player the world of cricket has ever seen…

 

Ian Bell?!?!?
No, Lord Ryan of Sidebottomshire. He took four for five off 10 overs and skittled them out like they were, erm, skittles.

 

And the England response?
Steady. Cooky and Straussy put on 68 without lossy.

 

So Sidearse’s haul was the highlight of the day then?
No way.

 

What was it then?
It was spotting Len, the chairman of our company, on TV, sat in a box in the next but one seat to England’s World Cup winning rugby star Will Greenwood.

 

Have you told him you saw him?
Yeah, we texted him straight away.

 

Did he reply?
No.

A near Laker's dozen...

On this day in 1956 Jim Laker produced one of the finest bowling displays to be seen at the Oval. The man considered by many to be one of the finest off-spinners in cricket history took 10-88 in an innings for Surrey against the Australians. That year was definitely Laker’s best against the Aussie’s, taking a record 63 wickets including 19-90 at Old Trafford. A feat that shows how he led Surrey to seven successive County Championships between 1952 and 1958.

Elsewhere in sport, in 1985 a promising 21 year-old called Michael Jordan won NBA Rookie of the Year. He turned out to be alright.

While in 1986 cult film Top Gun was released, collecting $8,193,052 in the first weekend. Although gaining good reviews at the time of release, it would later be more famous for its gay sub-text, as Quentin Tarantino hilariously identifies in 1994 film Sleep With Me.

Not as funny as the event on this day in 2001 however, when John Prescott managed to give us all a laugh when he punched a protester who threw an egg at him in the face. The deputy Prime Minister’s undignified brawl occurred while on a visit to Rhyl in North Wales.

It’s Stephen Ogonji Tikolo! as they say in Kenya to Argentine defender Lionel Scaloni (30), breast flashing Janet Jackson (42), Jackass Jason ‘Wee-Man’ Acuna (35) and to FHM’s sexiest woman Megan Fox (22). And eccentric pianist Liberace would be 89 if he wasn’t playing that grand Steinway in the sky.

Some people know them as cack-handers, others might classify it as cheating, but these crook-handed cult hero's would walk into any side... full of cuddy-wifters! Seriously though, this is the best XI we could come up with who have all been blessed as specialist south-paws!

1. Matthew Hayden: Flat track bully with the concentration of a colstream guard.
2. Roy Fredericks: Arguably the best exponent of the hook shot the game has ever witnessed.
3. Brian Lara: Nearly as famous for his flourishing back-lift as his world record blade.
4. Allan Border (C): Never gave his wicket away and he was so good Australia's Player of the Year receives an award named after him.
5. Greame Pollock: Bradman thought he was the greatest leftie the game has ever produced and he could bat a bit.
6. Garfield Sobers: Simply the finest all-rounder the sport has ever seen - a cricketing genius!
7. Adam Gilchrist: Ditched the text book cricket and his introduction to the Aussie team coincided with their greatest era.
8. Wasim Akram: The master of swing and seam and is the best left-am bowler of all-time.
9. Alan Davidson: Menacing new-ball bowler and dangerous striker down the order.
10. Derek Underwood: If there's even the slightest drizzle, 'Deadly' was a wizard of flight and guile - didn't matter what surface!
11. Bisham Bedi: Purity, perfection and the original turbinator - master of deception.