South Africa

Get us a beer i'm parched...

As if I did it for these guys...


For an intense bloke, Graeme Smith sure knows how to remain calm at the crease. Maybe he's got an alter-ego like Andre Nel? He reminded us of Brian Lara smashing the Aussies into the Caribbean sea back in 1999.

Graeme Smith - sounds like some apple?
Unfortunately not. The skipper led from the front with an imperious knock.

How many did he get?
154 not out - rode his luck a bit with some generous umpiring decisions, but he was like a rock otherwise.

He must like playing against England?
Certainly does. It was his fourth ton and won’t be his last looking at his record on English soil - his average is a nudge under 80.

Wow! So was it all one-way traffic?
Paul Collingwood steered England to a lead of 280 with a timely 135 and a surprise win looked on the cards when South Africa slumped to 93/4.

So the Proteas did their best to choke up another series clincher?
Andrew Flintoff did his best. He used the blind-spot from the Pavillion End to remove Neil McKenzie and Jacques Kallis AGAIN! That was as good as it got.

Did anyone help Smith out then?
Mark Boucher capped a fine match with a smashing 45 not out

Freddie couldn’t repeat the dose?
No. The track became increasingly docile and Smith combated Monty Panesar’s sharp turn by using his feet to punishing effect.

Did Panesar’s finger-spin bear any fruits? Like an apple…
Funny bloke aren’t you. He picked up both Hashim Amla and AB de Villiers, but it was another average bowling display from The Turbanator.

So where do England go from here?
They’ve lost the series and Michael Vaughan hardly excelled so, we’d imagine his place as captain will come under fierce attack leading up to The Oval.

Who's nicked my razor?

Rain, rain go away come again when Australia play. On this form, England could use all the help they can get. One man stands tall above all the rest and it’s not Yao Ming, but the Lionheart, Andrew Flintoff.

So this Andrew Flintoff - seven foot is he?
Do you ever stop with all witty remarks?

Well Soooorrry!
The cricket? England’s hero grabbed his 200th test wicket as South Africa moved gently past England’s first innings total.

Who did he get?
Neil McKenzie was Flintoff’s second victim of the match, rightfully adjudged LBW for a stubborn 72.

Did England find life hard going then?
McKenzie and nightwatchman Paul Harris (19) frustrated England for 89 minutes in the morning

So when did the joy begin?
Alastair Cook snaffled Harris at third slip off Ryan Sidebottom before James Anderson pulled out a stunner

Was she hot?
A beauty. Diving towards cover, 'Jimmy' stuck out his left hand and sent a despondent Hashim Amla (9) back to the shed.

So how many wickets did Freddie take?
Flintoff (4-68) decimated a resilient Jacques Kallis’ (64) stumps and removed Headingley centurion AB de Villiers soonafter.

Shaping up nicely for tomorrow then?
England will be pleased, but need to knock over Ashwell Prince (37*) and Mark Boucher (11*) quickly or else it could be an mammoth task.

Another case of the headline telling you all you need to know really. Suffice to say, South African batsmen Herschelle Gibbs will be joing the Welsh side from June 11, having played in the IPL and the South African Pro20 competition. "I want to help drive the Glamorgan team toward finals day and hopefully get some silverware," says the 34-year-old. Which is nice.