New Zealand

Jacob watched as he dispatched any remaining level of interest in the Test...

Oram frustrates England…

FIRST TEST, Lord's – Close on Day Five

New Zealand 277 & 269-6 v England 319. Match drawn

Tell me England managed to pull off the unexpected and skittled the Kiwis out for under 150 before knocking off the winning total with at least eight wickets to spare?

Sorry pal.

Bah.

Well maybe you should read the headline next time.

Fair point. Was there any point were a result looked likely?

Sort of. When Redmond was caught by Strauss in first slip from Anderson, and then Sidebottom had Marshall trapped lbw to reduce the tourists to 52/2, England had got off to the perfect start.

But?

Well Monty got in on the act, trapping Taylor to leave New Zealand 99/3. And then Stuart Broad got his first wicket of the day, when Cook did well to hold on to How's edge to third slip, leaving New Zealand only 73 ahead and four wickets down.

Sounds good so far...

It got better. Though not for Brendon McCullum, who looked like the man to save the day for the Kiwis, until he misjudged a delivery from Broad and was forced to retire hurt when it struck his left forearm, where a swine of a bruise formed instantly...

Nasty. But I fail to see where this is going wrong for England just yet...

Well coincidently it was the man who came on for McCullum that ended up being the hero.

Jacob Oram?

So you did read the headline. Yes it was his 120-ball 101 that ensured that the match would end in a draw, as New Zealand finished the day on 269/6, with Sidebottom claiming Oram's wicket, and McCullum's return ended when he was caught behind from Anderson.

If only there was an extra day...

Yeah. Or if only Strauss and Cook hadn't accepted the decision to come off for light on the second day, this Test might have progressed into the realms of interesting...

You sound a bit sore about that...

Well if they don't feel they can go out and attack against a Test side ranked seventh out of nine you've got to despair don't you...

Sadly for once, we agree...

FIRST TEST, Lord's - Day Four
New Zealand 277 & 40-0 v England 319

 

Seems like we've finally seen some action?

We have indeed, after a couple of days of frustration down to the good old English weather, this Test match is finally up and running.

Hmm. But there's only one day left isn't there?

Yes.

So we're still not likely to see a result?

Well, no.

Right.

Should I carry on?

I suppose.

Well, despite you trying to put a downer on it, there was some positive news from today's play.

Did England make a whopping great total?

Well no, they were all out for 319, only 42 runs ahead. Despite a promising opening stand of 121 from Strauss and Cook, Pietersen, Bell, Collingwood and Ambrose all failed to notch
any score of note.

Right, so where's the good news?

Well Cap'n Vaughny looked back to his good old patient best with an important knock of 106.

Well played skip. Who did the damage for New Zealand?

Clearly it was a day for leading by example of the Black Caps' skipper Daniel Vettori got 5-69, at one point on a hat trick as he claimed the successive wickets of Tim Ambrose and Paul Collingwood.

Nifty. For a bloke who looks like he's the type of guy to spend a lot of time in a library he doesn't half bowl well.

Indeed. I reckon he's a Steinbeck fan. Bet he's read Grapes of Wrath at least three times.

Good shout. So did England have a bowl?

Yep. They had the last hiour to try and make some inroads, but the touriasts saw the day out to finish on 40 without loss at the close.

That makes England two runs ahead still?

Good maths. But with just a day left, England will need early wickets and ten of them to force a result tomorrow.

That'll be a draw then.

Might as well start a new book instead. How about Of Mice and Men?

Daniel loves it.

Thought so.

First Test, Lord's (day two, close) New Zealand 277 v England 68-0

 

So what’s the story of the second day?
Well, stubborn resistance and bad light really.

 

Go on…
Thanks to Daniel Vettori (48) and Jacob Oram (28) the Kiwis managed to push their total on to 277 which was pretty good given the conditions and the start they had.

 

The conditions?
There was bad light all day. In fact, the players were on and off like a new bride’s undergarments. It was darker than a Tim Burton film. It was as dark as...

 

OK, I get the picture…
A dark picture?

 

Shut it. So who finished the Kiwis off then?
None other than the greatest player the world of cricket has ever seen…

 

Ian Bell?!?!?
No, Lord Ryan of Sidebottomshire. He took four for five off 10 overs and skittled them out like they were, erm, skittles.

 

And the England response?
Steady. Cooky and Straussy put on 68 without lossy.

 

So Sidearse’s haul was the highlight of the day then?
No way.

 

What was it then?
It was spotting Len, the chairman of our company, on TV, sat in a box in the next but one seat to England’s World Cup winning rugby star Will Greenwood.

 

Have you told him you saw him?
Yeah, we texted him straight away.

 

Did he reply?
No.

FIRST TEST, Lord's - Day One
England v New Zealand 208-6 - bad light stops play

You have to feel for him...
Who says?

I just mean, he was unlucky not to make his century...
Yeah, but I dont HAVE to feel for him, do I? It's not like it's the law, is it?

Well, no. So who did the damage for England?
Initially, Jimmy Anderson. The Burnley bowling machine removed both openers within the first eight overs, ably assisted by Stuart Broad who took a couple of wickets as well. If England can polish off the remaining four wickets nice and early tomorrow, then they'll be in the driving seat.

Is there an actual driving seat big enough to accommodate the entire England team then?
No.

Anything else to report?
Oh yes. England had a new dazzlingly white kit.

Sounds nice...
David Lloyd in the Sky commentary box didn't think so. He said the team looked like "a bunch of decorators".

Was he right?
No.

Nothing new there then.
Quite.

The summer has officially started. Beaches have been packed, rain has been predicted to pour cold water on any hopes of the hottest May to date, ice-creams are selling out by the truck-load and the Test Series is about to commence.

England head into the Lords curtain raiser with the edge after claiming a slender 2-1 victory in the Land of the Long White Cloud but New Zealanders love nothing more than to be written off, especially before a match at the spiritual home of cricket.

England have avoided a media shower of abuse by keeping the same winning side, so Matthew Hoggard didn't do a Lawrence Dallaglio and talk his way back into the side. Ryan Sidebottom will be England's trump card after his sensational 2007, posting career-best after career-best, taking hat-tricks and becoming the rock of England's bowling attack. It's a big series for Michael Vaughan whose position has come under increasing scrutiny although losing him would undoubtedly do more damage than good.

With Adil Rashid waiting in the wings, Monty Panesar must turn the tide back in his favour with more consistency and flight in his looping left-armers.

The tour is picking up speed for the Black Caps with players returning from the IPL, unearthing a gem in Aaron Redmond to replace the now departed skipper, Stephen Fleming, while his replacement Daniel Vettori looks to have shaken off a niggle to take the reigns ahead of the 1st Test.

New Zealand's record in England isn't exceptional to put it lightly having won just eight of their last 91 tests, although four of those antique victories have come at Lords, so there is hope, albeit very little.

One's to watch out for:

Andrew Strauss: Back at Lords and started the season in fine feather, the leftie has been restored to his best position in the openers slot.

Brendon McCullum: Still yet to post a century against a 'major' Test playing nation, but the wicket-keeper showed his explosive best in the IPL.

Prediction: England to win by four wickets.

Teams:

England 1 Andrew Strauss, 2 Alastair Cook, 3 Michael Vaughan (capt), 4 Kevin Pietersen, 5 Ian Bell, 6 Paul Collingwood, 7 Tim Ambrose (wk), 8 Stuart Broad, 9 Ryan Sidebottom, 10 James Anderson, 11 Monty Panesar.

New Zealand (probable) 1 Jamie How, 2 Aaron Redmond, 3 James Marshall, 4 Ross Taylor, 5 Brendon McCullum, 6 Daniel Flynn, 7 Jacob Oram, 8 Daniel Vettori (capt), 9 Kyle Mills, 10 Tim Southee, 11 Chris Martin.