By Country

So KP wins his first Test as captain as England successfully chase 197 to seal victory. But Graeme Smith doesn't care a jot as he lifts the Basil D'Oliveira Trophy after a 2-1 series win.

Sounds like quite a comfortable run chase for England?

Bizarrely, it was.

Really?

Yeah. Strauss and Cook's comfortable opening stand of 123, including half centuries for both, meant that it was unlikely to be a nervy finish for once.

Great. But there must have been some kind of wobble surely?

Well, yes, obviously. When Cook was caught by Smith of Ntini, Strauss (caught by Smith off Harris), Bell (bowled by Ntini) and then Skip Pietersen soon followed in what could be called a mini-collapse, but Colly and Flintoff saw England home, Freddie lamping a six to finish with a flourish.

I bet you Cap'n Kev was gutted not to finish the day...

He certainly was. He looked as though he was going to cry when he was caught off a very happy Harris for just 13. He'd obviously envisaged finishing it off with a left-handed six.

Ah well, you can't have everything can you Kev?

No he can't. But he certainly looked happy by the end, especially when he was awarded England's Man Of The Match and Man Of The Series.

Did he mention his missus by any chance?

No, but the Sky camerman certainly got his fill, with him forgetting to film what was going on the field at one point.

Pervert. Bet you he had his eye on the NPower girls as well.

Yeah, but they weren't as nice. A Gas Mark 6 only I reckon...

Very good. 

Thanks. Moving on, the next Test match isn't until December 11th, so Kev's got a lot of time to turn consolation victories into series wins.

Consolation Kev. That's got a ring to it....

Let's hope it doesn't stick...

 

SECOND TEST, Old Trafford, Day Four:
England 202 & 98-1 v New Zealand 381 & 114

 

Blimey it's all going off isn't it?

It certainly is. England started at 76/1 this morning, knowing that a good solid day with the bat will see them win the Test match.

What do they need?

284. Which is a figure that both looks daunting and reachable at the same time.

Hmm. I suppose. What are the chances?

Slim. Despite having only lost Cook to Vettori so far, it's worth having another look at New Zealand's second innings to see what might be ahead for England.

Well?

Well they were dismissed for only 114, with no one getting above 30. And crucially, it was Monty Panesar who did the damage, taking career-best figures of 6-37.

Nice one Monty. So what you're saying is, there's a lot of turn in the pitch?

Precisely. And New Zealand have a left-arm spinner of their own who is quite handy.

Daniel Vettori.

You're good.

Thanks.

And baring in mind he's already got a five for in this match, and the first wicket of the second innings, New Zealand have to look like favourites at the minute.

Don't be so pessimistic, England's top six will come good finally, you just watch.

Fingers crossed. But if they do, and knock off the total before close today, do you know what that means?

No?

That we'll have got our pre-match prediction right, that England would win with a day to spare.

Blimey. That is pretty shocking. We can't be having that. Come on Daniel...

 

 

SECOND TEST, Old Trafford, Day Two
England v New Zealand 322-6

 

What time do you call this?

Sorry, people to see, things to do.

You fell asleep didn't you?

Yes.

Honestly...well let's catch up then.

OK. New Zealand won the toss yesterday and decided to bat.

How'd they get on?

Well they finished the day on 202/4, with Ross Taylor the pick of the batsmen, with 67 not out.

Who took England's wickets? Let me guess, Sidearse?

Ryan got a couple, while Anderson and Monty got one each.

Nice one, anything else to report?

Well it was a quiet return to the office for Darrell Hair, while New Zealand batsman daniel Flynn was forced to retire hurt after being on the wrong end of a James Anderson bouncer.

Sounds nasty...

It was. Though his tooth flying out in the slo-mo replay looked cool.

Nice. So how have they got on this morning?

Taylor's reached his century, but new Zealand lost two inexplicable wickets, two run outs in one over...

Eh? How did that come about?

First, as Oram ran through for a single, Alistair Cook picked up at point and got a direct hit.

And then?

Well only a few minutes later, Vettori is run out by, cough, Panesar, who throws to Ambrose who whips off the bails. Vettori seemed well home, a good yard inside his crease, but replays show his bat wasn't grounded and off he trots.

Hilarious! And now?

Taylor's still in there with 115 not out, supported by a comfortable-looking Kyle Mills on 46.

Back to bed now is it?

Maybe...

England v New Zealand, Old Trafford
Friday 23rd May, 11.00am

So after a disappointing first Test that wasn’t so much affected by the weather as by England’s sheer negativity with the bat, Michael Vaughan and company have the chance to make up for it all at Old Trafford on Friday.

Despite recent underwhelming displays, in particular in England’s top order, they’ve decided to stick with the same side. Despite coming into contention after replacing the injured Hoggy, lanky seamer Chris Tremlett, officially 8ft 7in, has not made the final eleven.

New Zealand’s only worry is Tim Southee, the teenage pace bowler who may cause England’s wobbly top order problems with the Old Trafford pitch expected to provide plenty pace and bounce. However he’s struggling with a dicky stomach, so Iain O’Brien is on standby.

England have a decent record at Old Trafford, having lost only once there in the last ten years, while New Zealand haven’t won there in six attempts. Still, there’s always time for a first isn’t there?

As for the weather, well it’s Manchester so it’s unlikely that we’ll not be short of any rain. Apparently Friday is due for some showers, Saturday and Sunday cloudy, and Monday and Tuesday sunny. But what do those weather forecasters know eh?

One’s to watch

England’s top six: That’s Strauss, Cook, Pietersen, Bell, Collingwood and to a lesser extent Vaughan, given his recent century. While the talent of each individual is not in question, as a collective unit they haven’t played convincingly for a long time. And with the likes of Owais Shah and Luke Wright waiting in the wings, it could be their final chance.

Darrell Hair: The controversial Aussie umpire is back in Test cricket following his time out, and for once in cricket attention may be on an umpire for reasons other than it being a silly fat man dancing or a silly skinny man with a crooked finger.

Monty Panesar: The king of over-the-top-celebrating may be getting plenty of practice to go even further overboard this Test, given his previous record in Manchester. The lively spinner has taken 18 wickets in two Tests here for England, and with some turn expected later in the game, he could be pushing Vettori in the battle of the left-armers.

Prediction: England to win it with a day to spare. We’ve got no reason to be so confident, it just can’t really get worse than the first Test. Can it?

Teams:

England: Andrew Strauss, Alastair Cook, Michael Vaughan (cap), Kevin Pietersen, Ian Bell, Paul Collingwood, Tim Ambrose (wk), Stuart Broad, Ryan Sidebottom, Monty Panesar, James Anderson.

New Zealand: Jamie How, Aaron Redmond, James Marshall, Ross Taylor, Brendon McCullum (wk), Daniel Flynn, Jacob Oram, Daniel Vettori (cap), Kyle Mills, Chris Martin, Tim Southee or Iain O'Brien

Jacob watched as he dispatched any remaining level of interest in the Test...

Oram frustrates England…

FIRST TEST, Lord's – Close on Day Five

New Zealand 277 & 269-6 v England 319. Match drawn

Tell me England managed to pull off the unexpected and skittled the Kiwis out for under 150 before knocking off the winning total with at least eight wickets to spare?

Sorry pal.

Bah.

Well maybe you should read the headline next time.

Fair point. Was there any point were a result looked likely?

Sort of. When Redmond was caught by Strauss in first slip from Anderson, and then Sidebottom had Marshall trapped lbw to reduce the tourists to 52/2, England had got off to the perfect start.

But?

Well Monty got in on the act, trapping Taylor to leave New Zealand 99/3. And then Stuart Broad got his first wicket of the day, when Cook did well to hold on to How's edge to third slip, leaving New Zealand only 73 ahead and four wickets down.

Sounds good so far...

It got better. Though not for Brendon McCullum, who looked like the man to save the day for the Kiwis, until he misjudged a delivery from Broad and was forced to retire hurt when it struck his left forearm, where a swine of a bruise formed instantly...

Nasty. But I fail to see where this is going wrong for England just yet...

Well coincidently it was the man who came on for McCullum that ended up being the hero.

Jacob Oram?

So you did read the headline. Yes it was his 120-ball 101 that ensured that the match would end in a draw, as New Zealand finished the day on 269/6, with Sidebottom claiming Oram's wicket, and McCullum's return ended when he was caught behind from Anderson.

If only there was an extra day...

Yeah. Or if only Strauss and Cook hadn't accepted the decision to come off for light on the second day, this Test might have progressed into the realms of interesting...

You sound a bit sore about that...

Well if they don't feel they can go out and attack against a Test side ranked seventh out of nine you've got to despair don't you...

Sadly for once, we agree...